"Mommy and 'Uncle Frank'"
It's Saturday morning and Bob's just about to set off on a round of golf, when he realizes that he forgot to tell his
wife that the guy who fixes the washing machine is coming around at noon. So Bob heads back to the clubhouse and phones home.
"Hello?" says a little girl's voice.
"Hi, honey, it's Daddy," says Bob. "Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No, Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, Bob says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"
"Yes, I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy!"
"Okay, then. Here's what I want you do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout in to
Mommy and Uncle Frank that my car's just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, Daddy!" A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, Daddy."
"And what happened?"
"Well, Mommy jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went out
the front window and now she's all dead."
"Oh, my God! What about Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too, and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming
pool. But he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming
pool and now he's dead too."
There is a long pause.
"Swimming pool? Is this 854-7039?"
|Bring Your Daughter to Work Day |
A man comes home with his little daughter, whom he has just taken to work. The little
girl asks, "I saw you in your office with your secretary. Why do you call her a doll?"
Feeling his wife's gaze upon him, the man explains, "Well, honey, my secretary is a very hard-working girl. She types like
you wouldn't believe, she knows the computer system and is very efficient."
"Oh," says the little girl, "I thought it was because she closed her eyes when you lay her down on the couch."
|Little Johnny Wants a Bike |
One day little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200
bicycle for his birthday. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, we have a $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me
to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas."
Christmas came around, and Johnny asked again. The father said, "Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry
about that. Ask me again some other time."
Well, about two days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The
father asked him why he was leaving. The boy said,"Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were
pulling out, and mommy said that you should wait because she was coming too, and DAMN if I'll get stuck with an $80,000 mortgage!"